


You Bet

by DeathRose



Category: One Piece
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Dirty Talk, Drunkenness, Embarrassment, F/M, Humor, POV Second Person, Reader-Insert, Romance, pirate!reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 04:10:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8356633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathRose/pseuds/DeathRose
Summary: Reader-chan's friends bet her that she can't pick up a Marine officer in a bar with a couple of bad pick-up lines. The stakes are Reader-chan's dignity vs a ruby the size of her fist.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/gifts).



> This probably doesn't really need the M-rating, but I rated it that way to be safe since there is some vulgar language. If you were looking for smut, sadly you haven't found it.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own One Piece. It belongs to Eiichiro Oda.

title: You Bet  
by: DeathRose  
written for: My dear Lamia, upon her request ♥  
pairing: Smoker/Reader

* * *

 You're at a bar with your crew, drinking and having fun. Which eventually turns to discussion of everyone's lack of love lives, which then turns into a bad pick-up line contest.

Everyone at the table bursts out laughing at a particularly terrible line.

 _Yes, I am the Queen of bad Pick-up Lines_ , you think to yourself as you grin drunkenly and throw up your arms in a victory pose.

"Bet you can't bag a Marine with that line," the second mate challenges. Before you have a chance to protest that this would be entirely too easy, she continues, "A ranking officer, not the cannon fodder!"

Oh. In that case, maybe this isn't a bet you're willing to take.

"What are the stakes?" you ask warily.

The second mate smiles slyly and fishes something out of the front of her shirt and plunks it on the table. Your eyes widen at the sight of it. It's an uncut gemstone the size of your fist, blood red in color - a ruby. Just what you've been looking for to set in the hilt of your sword. You idly wonder how she had it down her shirt like that without looking like she had a third breast.

You stare at the gem for a few long moments before finally deciding.

"Alright, you're on."

There are several ranking officers among the groups of Marines scattered throughout the bar. Unfortunately for you, half of them are women, and you don't think the small arsenal of godawful pick-up lines you're armed with will be able to charm the panties off of them. You have a hard time getting your rum-soaked brain to strategically pick a mark, but you finally decide on the white-haired dude who has his jacket entirely open down the front, showing off the fact that he has no shirt on beneath it. Even if he is a Marine captain, dirty old men are always easy pickings.

 You swagger up to him (refusing to acknowledge to yourself that your steps are somewhat unsteady), and say, "Hey, hot dick."

He tries to pretend he didn't just choke on his lungful of cigar smoke.

"The fuck did you just say to me?"

Ah. Yeah. Suddenly this seems like a bad idea. Is your vision going double or does your target actually have two cigars in his mouth at the same time?

 _There is a ruby the size of a fist on the line here_ , you remind yourself and press on, "Hey, you might not be a pirate, but you can plunder this pussy anyway."

He just stares at you in disbelief for a long moment, during which the bespectacled young woman sitting beside him leans over and whispers, "Captain, I think she's _really_ drunk."

"Fuck!" you shout suddenly. "I fucked up! I fucked up the line! It was supposed to be _booty_ , not pussy!" You sigh. "Oh, well, either way, the offer still stands."

"Yeah, she does seem super fucking drunk," the man murmurs to his subordinate.

They're both looking at you with varying degrees of concern.

 _Fuck. Of course I fucked up and picked the one guy that actually has morals_.

You waggle your eyebrows suggestively at him anyway. You're already in too deep to give up.

"Captain..." his female companion whispers again. You hope she's not his girlfriend, because that would make this even more embarrassing of a failure. Not that you've failed yet.

"What do you _want?_ " he asks you bluntly, sounding entirely annoyed by your continued presence.

"I want to fist you," you answer immediately. "No, wait, that came out wrong. I want a ruby. Wait. No. Take me to your room?"

The nerdy girl says something which you don't quite catch, to which he replies: "Yeah, but I'd feel like an asshole leaving her here to get taken advantage of by any unscrupulous pirates hanging around."

You want to retort that you're not as drunk as he thinks you are, but that would only convince him even more that he is right about how drunk you are. You are also tempted to comment that he didn't mention any unscrupulous marines taking advantage of the drunk pirate girl. But that would not help you in your mission so you don't say either of those things.

* * *

 

"So, how was it?" your shipmates ask as you cradle your new ruby lovingly.

You can hardly wait to have the blacksmith upgrade your sword!

"Uhhh," you begin hesitantly. "Nice, I guess."

"Just 'nice'?"

"You guess? What does that even mean?"

"Well, I mean..." You can feel yourself blushing. "We didn't actually fuck. He was all worried about me and stuff. He made me drink a glass of water so I wouldn't get dehydrated and then, uhhh..." You really don't want to tell the rest of it.

"What happened? What happened?" the crew chorus.

You cringe as you tell them, "I kind of accidentally starting calling him nii-chan 'cause he reminded me of [brother's name]. And uh. Also. He held my hand until I fell asleep. And when I woke up, he was still awake watching over me..."

As embarrassing as all of that is, the worst part is you still have no fucking clue what his name is.

**Author's Note:**

> I am taking requests for characters Reader-chan (or Reader-kun) would like to be paired with. So far the only other requests on the list are also from Lamia, so feel free to speak up if there's something you want!


End file.
